I found this letter I never sent, dated, May 27th, 2010. I wrote it to my best friend...let's call her, Jessie. We were always writing songs or poems or letters and sharing them with each other. Here is what one says exactly...
The things that I carry define me. I carry the insecurity of failure, a pessimistic mind and an attitude that is not one of a strong woman. I carry memories of my grandfather, a strong religious belief, and a heavy weight on my shoulders. But the one thing I am afraid can never disappear, may completely alter my life.
I've never been able to actually fully accomplish what I want because I fear it may be too big for me to actually handle. The last thing I want to do is fail. Ive always tried to be perfect in every aspect of my life. So when ones thing goes wrong I completely over complicate it and think I cant do anything right.
The things I Carry the most that completely hold me back from the destiny that I know I have on my life is the fear of success. That fact that I fear failure truly say that I fear success. If I don't allow myself to fail, I can never truly win.
Sincerely Your Friend"
I was 17.