I hate, hate, hate when I am not liked because of the false representation that I have presented of myself. I am ok when someone doesn't like me for who I really am, that is completely understandable. But the former...kills me.
This past November I made a comment on a subject in a partially joking manner to someone I thought wouldn't see it in the way that it could have been meant. Apparently she did because she told someone else and that person brought it up in the presence of people I do not know. She caught me off guard and I felt like a deer in headlights and felt forced to explain myself. Now, one thing anyone should know about me is I do not like to give my opinion about something, especially social serious subjects, without allotting myself time to think about it and figure out exactly where I stand.
So during this time of "discussion" I felt like I only had bits and pieces of information of how I felt and what my thoughts were, making everything sound inconsistent and ignorant. I didn't reveal myself well to the few people there that do not know me. That irritates me the most of the whole situation. It has been months later, I have seen one of those ladies in particular and what ales me is that what she may think of me, because of what I said, is not only incorrect but negative.
This particular incident is constantly in my mind. I feel it can never be lived down. I don't usually have "foot-in-mouth" situations but when when I do, they ALWAYS come back to bite me, both in my mind and life.
Concerning the subject, since I've had time to think a little more on it, I stand behind what I said but not in the way I spoke on it. It is such a broad subject, that I was attacking from too many angles when I only wanted to respond to one.
What I have learned from this is, 1: I need to develope my "no comment" skills. 2: My initial instinct to keep my thoughts to myself needs to be practiced. And 3: Check twice to ensure myself that the person I think I can trust is actually trustworthy before I share anything with them.