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Making God Laugh


I am sure for the past 26 years I have given God some great laughs because nothing, absolutely nothing has gone according to my plan. I'm not talking about the little things. Like making a volleyball team or a good grade score in school. I'm talking the life changing ones. Like becoming a Disney Channel Star. That was one plan I am cool didn't happen but there were a lot of things I've planned over the years. Plans on how I wanted my life to go.

Don't get me wrong some things were my own doing. But there are some things I really wanted. I took the steps to get it and BOOM. Shutdown. Instant disappointment.

I am very big on not making the wrong choice or taking the wrong step hence the plan. But when even the plan blows up. Well, I become inactive. I don't go anywhere. I stay. Sit. Stand. Whatever. I remain motionless. Then things start settling in...Fear. The "what if's". And my personally favorite...cynicism.

I become disappointed with my inaction and crippled by the need to take the correct step.

I certainly know what I'd like to do. I know what I want. I don't necessarily need instruction on how to do it. But I do want to be told to avoid going to the left. Or even, the 3 steps forward then take a step to the left. I want a play-by-play for my life.

And there it is...God laughing.

Like, "Girl. That is never going to happen. OH. And you won't get a why either."

Sigh. Do you get what I'm saying?

I feel this whole blog thing is becoming less of victorious accounts and more like a journal!

But I truly have to be real with all of this. I am sure that wherever you are reading this that you have definitely come to a point in your life that you were like "what in the world is going on right now?!"

I am sure there is a reason for all the failed plans. I can see the good in some of the outcomes that were better for me. At least it's good to know God knows better than I.

Ashes


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