• Ashes

I Never Try Until I Know

They say " you never know until you try."

Well...I never try until I know...and usually...I don't know.

I've always envied people who leap. I envy their failure because at least they tried and their success comes BECAUSE they tried.

I've always been a cautious person. I try and think of every outcome before I make a move. If there are more negative probabilities, I tend to remain where I am. Never experimenting. I'm not saying this is a good way to live I'm just telling you how I operate. Many time I have stepped out and fallen face first. I take that experience, assess it, learn from it then avoid ever making that mistake.

I can honestly say I have rarely ever repeated mistakes. Because either I've analyzed it and learned or I've never allowed myself to make a mistake.

Yes, I'm a borderline perfectionist...but that is the sub-lining.

I remember when I was young I would say and do things without a care to failure. I remember experimenting and leaping without knowing what the consequences would be. I was curious.

Fear to step is learned. I do not believe this is something we are born with. I remember when I first allowed fear to take up residence. And since then it has build up an nice little mansion. Over the years a have blown up some wings but the structure remained. (Yea, sorry for the house analogy.)

The moment I began to develop and press into this fear, is when my curiosity turned into cautiousness. I remember how old I was, I remember how I felt, what I did and how I coped.

This is something that over the years I have slowly,at an irritating pace, begun to work and break through. Address one room, one area at a time.

I do not believe it will be like this forever. And I do not believe fear will be able to plant itself again once it is dealt with...because like I said, I don't like to make the same mistake twice.

I have seen and lived the consequences of allowing fear to take root in your life. And once it is dealt with, I refuse to let it hinder me again.


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